One of the key factors in the success of a self-help mutual aid group is members leave the meeting with a sense of hope. Below are some ideas to try in the New Year to help members focus on sharing positive experiences, insights and information to avoid the risk of having a "pity party" meeting.

1. Consider starting your meeting by having a member read the group guidelines. Include a guideline which emphasizes an important purpose of your group meetings is to help all members to recognize and share their strengths, successes and hopes, not just their problems.
2. Help your members share their good experiences by reminding people to contribute their insights, quotes, poems, songs, literature or a practical coping technique that has worked for them. This could be incorporated into the meeting by having "go-arounds" at the meeting where members bring in something inspirational or share a good thing or success they have experienced since the last meeting.
3. Another way to help members share good experiences is to consider having members set personal goals at the end of each meeting and then have them report back at the next meeting. These goals could be written out in a group journal or personal journal that is brought to each meeting.
4. Share good news gathered from outside the group related to your topic such as new research results, helpful magazine articles, news from state or national organizations or agencies that deal with your issue.
5. Encourage those who are doing better or recovered to come back to give personal testimony. Experienced members often are a great source of inspiration to newer members who are still in the early stages of coping with a problem or condition. This also encourages the "veterans" to give back which is an important part of recovery.
6. Make members aware of the real health benefits of helping others. "One of the best ways to take your mind off your own problems is to help others with theirs." This can be as simple as a statement of the progress someone has made or a helpful suggestion shared at a meeting or even a "nod of understanding" when a member is sharing.
7. Do you have another way your group helps to accentuate the positive? Please share your suggestions by e-mailing or writing the Self-Help Center at 405 S. State St., Champaign, IL 61820 or selfhelp@prairienet.org

The Art of Listening in a Healing Way by James Miller, 2003, Willowgreen Publishing ISBN 1-885933-35-5 Choosing to listen to really listen- is one of the most caring, affirming gifts you can offer another. By creating an open space in which the other person is free to express whatever matters most at the moment, you can facilitate healing and growth. By relating to the one who's speaking as a whole person, and by bringing your whole self to the listener in this experience, you can be in touch with life at a very deep level. The book includes twenty-seven principles that reveal the art of being a healing listener as both a promise and a reward. Interspersed in the book are quotations and photography that underscore the principles of listening. A video of the same title has also been ordered for future trainings. (A facilitator training series will be offered in February on this topic. See insert in this newsletter.)

A Pilgrimage Through Grief by James Miller, 2003 Willowgreen Publishing This book is a blend of poetic writing and full-color photographs from nature. First, the concept of using time of loss as a pilgrimage is explained. Then four experiences that accompany loss are explored: absence, aloneness, silence and mystery. Finally, pilgrimage leads one home again, but one returns somehow different for having made the journey. This book is suitable for people going through loss of all types, not just the death of a loved one.

Mark Your Calendars: The Self-Help 2004 Conference will be held on Saturday, October 23^rd at the Forum at Carle. The theme is "The Strength in Us: How Support Groups Promote Hope, Healing and Transformation." The keynote speaker is Margaret Dubay Mikus, survivor of M.S. and breast cancer and author of the recently released book, As Easy As Breathing: Reclaiming Power for Healing and Transformation. Small group sessions, exhibits and book signing will be planned for the day. Continuing education credits will also be available.

Group Updates/Survey in the mail: It's time to update group information for the publication of the 2004-05 edition of the Support Group Directory. Please return your update information and the survey by February 6^th and save the Center time and money involved in calling you back for the information. Thank you!

Free Seminar: "Plan, Plan, Plan: Preparing a Working Agenda for Your Child's Next IEP", Sat. Jan. 24, 9 a.m to 3 p.m., Grace United Methodist Church, 2004 S. Philo Rd., Urbana with Vickki Hensley, Family Matters and Carla Oldham, PROUDD Parents. Come learn the importance of planning short and long term goals, how to develop a working agenda, working with the IEP team and basic terminology and law. The training is open to all parents, teachers, administrators, paraprofessionals, counselors and the public. CPDU's available. Reservations requested by Jan. 16^th; childcare available for $10/child; lunch is $6.00. Family Matters is also sponsoring families that need it $25 toward childcare and/or mileage. Contact Vicki Hensley 217-529-2311 or 1-866-426-7842. For registration, call Carla 351-6764 or e-mail to prouddparents@aol.com

RSVP Volunteers Elizabeth Easley and Joan Lathrap for their ongoing assistance with clerical projects at the Self-Help Center.

David Gordon, Urbana Adult Education, for his generous assistance with the layout and production of this edition of the Self-Helper newsletter.

Ted Kappes, Prairienet Community Networking Initiative, for his ongoing assistance with updating the Self-Help Center website.

The Self-Help Center has a number of groups in our database for which there has been a request for a local group. If you would like to help start or join a group, please contact the Self-Help Center. Names are kept confidential and only released with permission to prospective group contacts. The Self-Help Center also provides consultation services, workshops and educational packages to group leaders or persons who wish to form a group.

Session 1 - The Role of the Facilitator in the Promotion of a Healthy Group

Wednesday, February 4, 7-9 p.m.

Session 2 - Active Listening and Communication Skills*

Session 3 - Listening in a Healing Way, Group Affirmation & Feedback*

Wednesday, February 18, 7-9 p.m.

*In these sessions we will be using material from James Miller's books and video including The Art of Being a Healing Presence and The Art of Listening in a Healing Way; and by John Savage, Listening and Caring Skills

---------------------------------------------------------------Registration Form ---------------------------------------------------------------

I am registering for: Session 1 -- Role of the Facilitator 2/4

Session 2 -- Active Listening and Communication Skills 2/11

Session 3 -- Listening in a Healing Way, Group Affirmation and

Feedback 2/18

Self-Help Center of Family Service

405 S. State, Champaign, IL 61820

Sheryl Bautch Exec. Dir. of Family Service

Debora Jones Program Director

Sharon Monday-Dorsey Coordinator

Elizabeth Easley, Joan Lathrap Volunteers

published by The Self-Help Center

A Program of Family Service

405 South State Street

Champaign, IL 61820

217-352-0099

e-mail: selfhelp@prairienet.org

Web: www.prairienet.org/selfhelp/